Slugbait

I was there when Soundgarden, MLB and Chains were still playing at The Central Tavern, so it kinda irks me when I read something like this:

"...the band's success opened the flood gates for flannel-clad, angst-ridden rockers including Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and others. 'It was no accident that Alice in Chains, Screaming Trees and bands like that connected in the wake of what Nirvana did,' said Moon. 'The musical ideas that Nirvana was about were so powerful they couldn't help but spread.' "

This guy actually wrote a book. Let's see how accurate he is, shall we?

Alice in Chains: the single “We Die Young” was released in July 1990, with the album Facelift being released a month later. In early 1991, the music video for “Man in the Box” got added to the rotation on MTV, and album sales soared.

Soundgarden: Ultramega OK was released in 1988, resulting in a Grammy nomination for Best Metal Performance in 1990. Louder Than Love was released in 1989, and arguably their best album, Badmotorfinger, was released in October 1991.

Screaming Trees: they released their fifth album in 1991.

Mother Love Bone: the album Apple was released in July 1990.

Pearl Jam: the album Ten was released in August 1991. You know you still have a vinyl copy of it in a box somewhere…

Nevermind was released in Sept 1991. Seattle was already very well-known as a music hotbed. The other bands did not “connect in the wake of what Nirvana did” inasmuch as Nirvana rode up on their coat-tails and simply sold a ton of copies of one album. Stupid experts...

A tactic common in the U.S. war on terror, forces are systematically using loud music on hundreds of detainees in Iraq, Afghanistan and Guantanamo Bay. The auditory assault goes on for days, then weeks, then months at the U.S. military detention center in Iraq. Twenty hours a day. NiN. AC/DC. Queen. Pantera.

What, no Barry Manilo? No Barbra Streisand? No John Tesh?

Sign me up!

I guessed 13 games correctly last week, which is the best I've ever done in a 16-game week. But my leaderboard score dropped from 3001 to 3203, cuz a lot of people guessed 13 games correctly, and a few got 14. Drat...

Bears over Saints: I keep picking the Saints wrong, and this game could go either way. Going with home field.
Falcons over Bucs: Another tough choice, but the Bucs are playing a short week and showed how vulnerable they can be on MNF.
Redskins over Bengals: Cincy players have run out of stamps and are now using email.
Colts over Lions: Miami won their first game last year in Week 15. Detroit isn't going to be as lucky...
Chiefs over Chargers: This is almost an upset pick, except that SD has been enormously disappointing this year.
Seahawks over Rams: Seattle put up a great effort against the Patriots, and St. Louis just seems to be rolling over.
Dolphins over 49ers: After the Niners beat the Jets, Miami knows they control their own destiny now and will not underestimate SF like everybody else has been doing lately.
Jets over Bills: I originally picked Buffalo, but now I'm thinking NY is going to come back strong after losing to SF.
Panthers over Broncos: I think this game is going to be over by half time.
Packers over Jaguars: Losing four weeks in a row? Good gawd...
Ravens over Steelers: Pittsburgh barely made it out alive against Dallas...it wasn't even a close game until the end. Baltimore won't make the same mistakes, and they don't have a QB that implodes in December.
Titans over Texans: Just a hunch.
Cardinals over Vikings: Tavaris hasn't started a game in awhile, regardless of how well he did coming off the bench last week.
Patriots over Raiders: How embarrassing if they were to lose to Oakland while in a three-way tie in their division.
Giants over Cowboys: Some think this is the game of the week. After Pittsburgh, I think Dallas is a herd of paper tigers.
Eagles over Browns: Another hunch.

Peter King posted his predictions, and there are only three games he chose differently. One was the Atlanta/Saints game, which I said I want to pick Atlanta, and the fans give them a slight advantage as well, so I may consider switching. Of course, almost everybody thinks there won't be an upset in NY this week...go Philly!

Chargers over Raiders: Life sucks when you get beaten by KC...
Bears over Jaguars: Until I saw the commercial last year, I never knew it was pronounced, "jag-yu-war".
Vikings over Lions: Just a hunch...even if half the team had been suspended...
Packers over Texans: I don't see GB losing three games in a row.
Titans over Browns: Just another hunch.
Colts over Bungles: Cincy players have more stamps to use up...
Saints over Falcons: I want to pick Atlanta, but I think NO is going to bounce back, and they're playing at home.
Eagles over Giants: Upset game of the week.
Ravens over Redskins: WA is going to try and bounce back after last week's game against the Giants, which is going to make this a fun game to watch.
Dolphins over Bills: Scoring only 3 points against the 49ers indicates the game two weeks ago was just an illusion...Buffalo really is sliding as usual...
Broncos over Chiefs: Yet another hunch.
Jets over 49ers: It's a hunch-lunch...
Cardinals over Rams: Hunch-a-bunch...
Steelers over Cowboys: Beating the 49ers and Seahawks the last two weeks doesn't prove a damn thing to me...
Patriots over Seahawks: Pulled from SNF this week in favor of Redskins/Ravens
Bucs over Panthers: Game of the week, *and* it's on MNF. I could easily switch on this one...

Mr. Jones is looking at Plaxico Burress right now, and thinking, "I'm not half as stupid as that guy." Personally, I do think he's half as stupid as Plax...

If I had remembered to make my picks in time for TNF last week, I would have picked 11 games correctly. As a result of my mistake, I'm not even in the top 4K on the leaderboard. Heavy sigh...

Titans over Lions: Many hoped to see the first time an 11-0 team went up against an 0-11 team on turkey day. Me, I correctly picked the Jets to win last week (and the Lions to lose again, of course...)
Cowboys over Seahawks: Every expert picked Seattle to win the division, even as late as the fifth week. I don't see a street being named after Holmgren this time...
Cardinals over Eagles: Warner is getting a lot of MVP talk, even tho' Drew Brees has better numbers. McNabb getting benched last week indicates to me that Philly is getting stupid-desperate.
Bills over 49ers: Buffalo started to slide, then came back strong last week.
Ravens over Bengals: Cincy players were spotted forming a line at the post office to buy stamps...
Colts over Browns: I want to pick an upset here: I saw way too many wobbles from Manning last week, but his passes are still connecting, so...
Packers over Panthers: I just can't pick Carolina because of their record...the Pack is better than their record, and playing at home (has the tundra formed yet?)
Dolphins over Rams: I want to pick another upset here, but I think Miami really does want to win now.
Jets over Broncos: NY beat the last undefeated team last week. Better adjectives: pounded, strangled, humiliated, spanked.
Saints over Bucs: See comment above about Drew Brees.
Giants over Redskins: This should be a hard-fought game. I really want to pick Jim Zorn, but every time I consider it, I think of that TV...
Falcons over Chargers: Nobody can figure out what happened to SD, I'm just going to stop trying. Ok, maybe it's cuz LT is almost a non-factor this year.
Raiders over Chiefs: After beating Denver, they have a winning attitude now. And no, I couldn't type that without laughing, but c'mon, they're playing KC...
Patriots over Steelers: I sure hope this is the TBA game listed at TV Guide...
Vikings over Bears: I don't think I've picked the Vikings correctly all season, it's driving me nutz.
Texans over Jaguars: MNF at home...that doesn't happen much for Houston, they should be really fired up.

Last week, four games I picked wrong were decided by 5 points or less...dammit. The real brainfart was picking Detroit only because of Culpepper. But I do have two upset games predicted.

Patriots over Jets: I wish Comcast wasn't so damn greedy, this might be a very close game. But I'm going with home field.
Falcons over Broncos: I just don't think Denver can string two games together, and Atlanta is the biggest surprise in the NFL this year.
Eagles over Bengals: Welcome back to reality, Cincinnati
Packers over Bears: So very close last week, Green Bay is probably on a mission this week, and playing at home. Da Bears QB this week is...
Colts over Texans: I think Indy is finally getting things in a groove
Saints over Chiefs: Just a hunch
Dolphins over Raiders: Just another hunch
Ravens over Giants: Upset game of the week #1. NY needs a little jolt at home to humblize about
Bucs over Vikings: Tough call. Going with home field
Panthers over Lions: Fool me once...ok, so nobody fooled me, I fooled myself
Titans over Jaguars: They have to lose a game sometime this season...my guess is they'll wait until Thanksgiving (wouldn't THAT be a hoot)
49ers over Rams: A little better organized, and SF could have squeaked one out last week against the first-place Cards.
Seahawks over Cardinals: Upset pick of the week #2. Matt's back, playing at home, and SF showed the West how to compete against Arizona
Steelers over Chargers: Hunch number 3
Redskins over Cowboys: Game of the week. Romo is back to guide the most-talented offense of disfunctional individuals in the NFL with a splint on his pinky. The 'skins like the taste of Jim Zorn Kool-Aid, and they're playing at home.
Bills over Browns: Too many seasons that Buffalo started strong, then faded away. Is it happening again? Well, they're playing the Browns, so...

Went from the best week I've ever had to the worst week I've had in a long while, and my leaderboard rank plummeted to 3382. My only solace is that Peter King also had his worst week of the season, beating me by one game. Ah well...

Ravens over Texans: Baltimore's D is going to be too much for Houston
Browns over Broncos: Fresh QB, but Denver's D is really sucking right now
Falcons over Saints: My upset pick of the week
Titans over Bears: Tennessee is just clicking, Chicago is all beat up, and Urlacher isn't the same guy anymore
Lions over Jaguars: You might think it's the upset game of the week...but Detroit's offense is tickled fucking pink to have a QB like Culpepper calling the signals, and they're all going to raise the level of their game
Dolphins over Seahawks: Seattle has seldom been able to win in Miami, and Hasselbeck is still OOF
Packers over Vikings: Green Bay lost in OT last week, they're going to be fired up this week
Patriots over Bills: Going with home field on this one
Jets over Rams: Favre made a couple of bad decisions last week, but otherwise he did what I hoped he would do: play within the system, don't always try to force a big play, play not to lose as much as to play to win
Panthers over Raiders: I need to send my resume to Al Davis. I always wanted to coach an NFL team, and it doesn't seem like anybody with actual experience coaching football wants the job...
Steelers over Colts: Who knew Leftwich was actually a good QB? This could be a shoot-out.
Chargers over Chiefs: KS put on a good show last week, actually kept the game close, but it won't be the same story against SD
Eagles over Giants: They've both got some swagger going, they both hate each other intensely, going with home field for national TV
Cardinals over 49ers: Despite Arizona's record, and solidly all alone in first place in the NFC West, who the hell is going to watch this game?

It's the day before the election, and sadly, we find out that Obama's grandmother has died. She won't see the boy she raised be elected as the nation's 44th President.

At Camp McCain, there was a chorus of "ahhh SHIT!"

Person 1: "Dammit, now we have to deal with sympathy votes."
Person 2: "Well, there goes Florida..."
Person 3: "Do we have John make some sort of statement of condolences?"
Person 1: "Yeah, get the old man on the phone."
Person 3: "How should his statement read?"
Person 1: "Well, it better not be anything like she was taken at such a young age, that's for damn sure."
Person 2: "So what tactic do we employ about this for our side?"
Person 1: "Does John have a sick grandmother?"
Person 2: "No, she died at the turn of the century."
Person 1: "She did? I don't remember using her death for sympathy votes during the last campaign eight years ago."
Person 2: "I meant the 19th century..."
Person 1: "Oh. Right. OK, people, ideas..."
Person 4: "How about John's house suddenly burns down?"
Person 1: "Which one?"
Person 4: "I dunno...his least favorite?"
Person 2: "C'mon, we're dirty politicians, not arsonists."
Person 3: "What about Sarah?"

A hush falls over the room.

Person 1: "That would leave John without a running mate."
Person 4: "Yeah, but think about it: huge press. National day of mourning."
Person 3: "And we get a do-over."
Person 4: "Yup, half of America doesn't think she's ready to take over."
Person 2: "And she's a bitch."
Person 1: "Not like Hillary, but I get your point. OK...cause? Car accident? Plane goes down?"
Person 4: "Hit man."
Person 1: "Hmmm...cheaper, easier, less collateral damage, big game changer...I'm liking it..."

11 of 14 wins last week came from the home team. This week, I think it's going to be more diverse...

Jets over Bills: I think this is the week that Favre realizes that he can't force things so much, and needs to play within the system...well, mostly...
Bears over Lions: Could this be an upset, and Detroit finally wins one? Umm...no.
Jaguars over Bengals: Could this be an upset, and Cincy finally wins one? Umm...no.
Browns over Ravens: Cleveland mixed it up on offense last week and won...mixing it up with Baltimore is going to be necessary to beat their defense, but I think they'll do it.
Packers over Titans: What, a decisive win over the Colts doesn't relieve them of paper-tiger status? A win over Green Bay should help. Switched: GB is coming off a BYE, two of their key defensive players are returning, Rodgers is happier this week, and the Titans only real foe so far this season was the Colts...and the Pack beat them, too.
Bucs over Chiefs: I almost want to pick KC this time. Almost.
Rams over Cardinals: St. Louis has really turned it around the last three weeks, and they want to stay in the hunt. Besides, the last time they wanted Warner to win was when he quarterbacked them to a Super Bowl...
Texans over Vikings: Tough call. I might switch on this one.
Broncos over Dolphins: Going with the very cold, thin air advantage.
Falcons over Raiders: Just a hunch.
Giants over Cowboys: Originally, this was one of the biggest games of the year. Now the statuesque Drew Bledsoe...excuse me, Brad Johnson...is under center...for a few plays, anyway.
Eagles over Seahawks: Welcome back to reality, Seattle. God, I hate saying that about my own team...
Patriots over Colts: Originally, this was one of the biggest games of the year. Now Brady is OOF, and Manning *can* be beaten. Cassell's stats show he has been playing like a first-year Brady, which if you recall, the situation didn't turn out too shabby for the Patriots that year...
Redskins over Steelers: Originally, this was NOT one of the biggest games of the year. Now it's the game of the week. I think Washington will exploit Pittsburgh's front seven, and repeatedly put Big Ben on his back...that's the formula other teams have used to beat these guys (re: Giants last week). Yes, I'm still pissed at them...

My best week ever predicting NFL games: I got 12 of 14 correct, and also got the Titans score of 31 correct (I guessed 24 for the Colts, but they only scored 21). If the Steelers hadn't imploded for the entire 4th quarter yesterday, I quite possibly would have won a new TV, but instead it looks like the big winner this week is Brooklynnet with 13 correct (unless that person lost in the MNF tie-breaker with somebody else...no way to know for sure). Only 9 people in the top 200 on the leaderboard predicted 12 games correctly this week, and my overall score jumped a little bit more to 1835 (obviously, quite a few people picked the Colts to win).

Ahhh well...try again next week.

Up until the last seven minutes, I thought I might actually go into MNF with only one wrong game prediction! But nooOOOOooo...Pittsburgh's offense decided they didn't need to gain a SINGLE FUCKING YARD for the entire fourth quarter! Hey, pulling an intentional safety worked for the Saints today, BUT THEY HAD MORE THAN TWO POINTS ADVANTAGE ON THE BOARD, you fucking morons! All your safety did was to TIE the game and allow the Giants an opportunity to win on a single score! Oh...you say you didn't mean to pull an intentional safety? You really did suck donkey balls throughout the fourth quarter? Sorry, my bad...

Ohhhh, I'm so pissed at Pittsburgh. Even if the Titans do win tomorrow, it's unlikely I'll win the TV cuz I'll only have 12 of 14 games picked correctly.

However, 89% picked the Jags over the Browns, 80% picked the Bills over the Dolphins, and 76% picked the 49ers over the 'hawks...my overall standings skyrocketed from 4300 all the way to 2115! The weird thing is that the scoreboard doesn't reflect the Texans/Bengals game yet. However, a quick look at the leaderboard shows three different people inside the top 100 with 11 correct picks, which means everyone who already has 11 picks correct needs to have picked the Bengals to win just so I would have a shot at an MNF tie-breaker...if Pittsburgh had decided to play during the fourth quarter, at any time, I'd probably be in the running for best picks of the week!

And to think I blamed the refs at the Super Bowl...

So I'm not out of contention yet, I suppose

Just about everybody but me picked the Cowboys over the Rams last week, as well as the Colts over the Packers. However, I went a little too deep into Opposite World by picking the 49ers to beat the Giants, but I ended up with a respectable 10 out of 14. This week...

Texans over Bengals: Cincy can't move the ball, and now they've possibly lost Palmer for the season. Ocho Cinco's jersey still reads "Johnson".
Bucs over Cowboys: Chucky hates all of his QBs, especially the current geriatric under center. But Garcia has been very efficient, especially with an established ground game. Dallas has imploded: Romo's out, Jerry's making statements of how confident he is, T.O.'s pissed, and the head coach is taking over defensive calls...this is SO much fun to watch
Redskins over Lions: Who has the better chance of going 0-16 this year, Detroit or Cincy? My guess is Detroit...
Dolphins over Bills: Miami is better than their record indicates, and Buffalo is playing in MUCH warmer weather than what they've been practicing in.
Patriots over Rams: Welcome back to reality, St. Louis.
Saints over Chargers: Really tough call. But I have a feeling that Drew Brees wants SD to understand the little mistake they made a few years ago.
Jets over Chiefs: A couple of weeks ago, I picked against the Chiefs and said they could only win if they racked up 200 yards on the ground...LJ missed 200 by only two yards, and they won. Now LJ is out.
Eagles over Falcons: Another tough call, but Philly wants it more now that Dallas is imploding, and they're playing at home.
Panthers over Cardinals: Something tells me I should pick Arizona...another something is currently beating the shit out of the first something for suggesting it...
Ravens over Raiders: Welcome back to reality, Oakland.
Browns over Jaguars: The winning something, all battered and bruised, is suggesting I pick Cleveland. I probably should find a third something...
Steelers over Giants: Tough call. Game of the week. Going with the scarred field of Pittsburgh.
Seahawks over 49ers: Mike Singletary is getting his shot! YaY! I don't think it will be a good start for him, tho'...
Titans over Colts: Does it matter which Indy team shows up in Tennessee? Nope, the Titans want to prove their unbeaten record is not an illusion, and they want to do it on national television on their home field.

So, how many of you thought my pick of Arizona over Dallas last week was crazy? However, overall my predictions sucked...this week, you'll think I was WAY more crazy than last week, but considering how crazy-weird this season has been so far, this week's predictions probably makes sense when you think about it...

Bills over Chargers
Bears over Vikings
Steelers over Bengals
Titans over Chiefs
Rams over Cowboys
Dolphins over Ravens
49ers over Giants
Saints over Panthers
Texans over Lions
Packers over Colts
Jets over Raiders
Redskins over Browns
Bucs over Seahawks
Patriots over Broncos

I thought this was finally over. I thought the media finally pulled their heads out of their collective asses and stopped spreading Fear/Uncertainty/Doubt about the upcoming digital switch for television signals. I was wrong. In fact, the media have decided to start shoving more than one head up a single ass. Here's a great quote to serve as an example:

"About 15 percent of U.S. households use only analog TV sets..."

That's IT???? My gawd, what an incredibly low percentage! If it's only 15%, then why the hell didn't we make the digital switch two years ago as originally planned? Talk to your neighbors and friends, and you'll likely find most of them use only analog TV sets...a lot of people are waiting until after the Super Bowl to buy a shiny new digital TV, when the prices drop a little bit, to coincide with the wonderful digital transition. I'm one of those people, and I'm only going to replace one of three analog televisions...but still watch TV signals on ALL of them.

"...and could risk their screens going black as analog signals are turned off"

Which is complete bullshit if any part of that 15% are cable subscribers. My guess is that most of them are cable or satellite subscribers, so the rest will just need to get a converter box.

"Owners of analog televisions must buy a TV converter box to receive a digital signal..."

Again, complete bullshit: you will not need a converter box UNLESS you receive your TV signal over a rooftop antenna or rabbit ears. In a DIFFERENT PARAGRAPH they state the transition won't affect cable subscribers...however, their irresponsible news reporting DOES NOT specify in said paragraph that it won't affect cable subscribers still using analog televisions.

Obviously, whomever wrote this article got paid by a big-name television manufacturer to scare everybody into buying new TVs for every room...this is the worst misinformation campaign on the digital switch I've seen so far, and I thought it couldn't get any worse than it used to be.

Today I called a services center run by the WA government, and after a series of different phone menus, I finally reached the point of being put in the cue to talk to a human. Of course, I'm on hold listening to music while waiting...the song?

Pink Floyd's "Run Like Hell"

I got five games wrong last week: three of them were by 3 points, one was by five points...and don't talk to me about the Seahawks differential. I even got the tie-breaker points correct for the Saints, but all those turnovers and bad ref calls in the first half put points on the Vikings scoreboard. Oh well...

Not going into any reasons for my picks this week, I have more important things to do than document something nobody ever reads.

Bears over Falcons
Ravens over Colts
Vikings over Lions
Saints over Raiders
Jets over Bengals
Panthers over Bucs
Redskins over Rams
Texans over Dolphins
Broncos over Jaguars
Cardinals over Cowboys
Eagles over 49ers
Seahawks over Packers
Chargers over Patriots
Giants over Browns

Jeepers, a jury found Simpson guilty on all charges a few minutes ago. And here's something slightly ironic: deliberations began 13 years to the day after Simpson was acquitted of killing his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ronald Goldman.

He could be looking at a sentence of 15-to-life. And you know what that means? That's right...

He's never going to find the real killers now.

OK, so the blog title is a direct opposite of the classic ideal of the "couch potatoe" (hey, I'm a Dan Quayle fan, 'k?). When it comes to TV advertising, did you know there was some research study discipline known as "neuromarketing"? Me neither. But somebody designed this thingy to measure heart rate, breathing rate, eye-tracking, motion detect and, um...emotional arousal...while watching TV. And it was applied specifically in this article to gauge alertness of viewers when fast-forwarding thru commercials using <unnamed digital video recording device>. Gee, I wonder which DVR device they used for the study...anyway, seems that some people actually remember commercials when fast-forwarding at either 3x or 6x the time of normal speed, and advertisers are going to try and craft their commercials to be more noticeable for this type of viewer (and probably annoy those who are not using a DVR even more than ever before).

Well, this all doesn't bode well for TV advertisers who are trying to reach DVR people who use MCE...when I hit the skip button on my remote control, I instantaneously jump 30 seconds: there is no 3x or 6x fast-forwarding scan for my TV viewing pleasure, I move directly to the next commercial or right back into the show. And I'm proud to say that I don't recall a single advertiser of any show I watch on my DVR machine, simply cuz I don't see their commercials at all (except for those times I over-skip, back up, etc).

So, how about that Sarah Palin on TV earlier, huh? Wow, she's a looker, she is. Great smile. Nice hair. Sharp talk. Oooozes confidence. Great personality and projection...she should run for public office or something...

Darth Vader is finally getting a SAG Award. It's a lifetime achievement award. As I understand it, the award didn't come sooner because previous judges for the award were found mysteriously asphyxiated to death...

I finally saw The Dark Knight two weeks ago. My gawd, all the positive chatter about Heath Ledger's performance didn't do him justice. He was truly amazing. In fact, I had to keep reminding myself that I was watching Heath Fraking Ledger, cuz every time I saw him on the screen I thought of this woman...

Most of my great deals have come from garage sailing. I check out the "hot deals" forums around the web every couple of days looking for cool stuff to buy at bargain prices, and occasionally find one I can take advantage of. This deal transpired a little differently than the others...

Somebody posted an up-to 80%-off sale on tonneau covers at Amazon. One of those things would have come in REALLY handy for my truck last week on my trip to Mt. Rainier, so I figured I would get use out of having one in the future. Alas, no deals for my specific truck (an '06 Tacoma).

However, I decided to see what other items were available at Amazon that would specifically fit my truck, so I started flipping through pages and noticed one item with an unbelievably low price: a pair of Westin "Signature Series" chrome step bars, for just $63.65 with free shipping, and $5.73 in sales tax. Other e-commerce sites charge almost that much just for shipping. First thought: major price mistake, they will never honor the purchase. Second thought: what have I got to lose by trying? Third thought: buy both pairs, and resell one pair thru Craig's List or whatever for the low, low price of just $200. Fourth thought: order one pair now, reduce the risk of cancelation, and buy the other pair if the price doesn't change after the first pair has shipped.

Result: the first pair shipped. I checked Amazon as soon as that happened, and sure enough, the price was adjusted to a far more believable $383...but my invoice still shows $63.65 + tax. They lost $320 on this sale, but I'm pretty certain they would not tolerate losing $640, and would have canceled the entire order if I tried buying both pairs. The fourth thought WINS (followed closely by the second thought...).

I don't even want to talk about last week's predictions. The only good thing from last weekend is that the Seahawks didn't lose (of course, they had a BYE week, but that's beside the point...). So let's talk about T.O., shall we?

The (current) head coach of the Cowboys blamed their loss against Zorn's Redskins on the fact that NFL glamour-boy Tony Romo called too many pass plays...way too many. In fact, on their ground game, Barbar touched the ball only eight times, and Felix didn't get the ball at all. So what does T.O. say about this? He decides to piss and moan at Romo that he doesn't get enough touches...only a dismal EIGHTEEN balls were thrown his way on Sunday...and that he doesn't like the types of throws he's been getting from his QB as far back as Week 1.

Mr. Romo, meet Mr. Bus. Owens never leaves home without it. On his radio show the other night, T.O. claimed there was no bus that he was throwing his QB under, and turned his insightful, mature wit toward a former Cowboy by referring to Keyshawn Johnson as "Sheshawn" three times.

While we're on the subject of Cowboys players, it turns out Pacman has been told by the team to be less visible off the field. Considering that Pacman is in eighth place on the team for tackles, management obviously wants his overall visibility to be more balanced.

Closely related to the subject of the Cowboys is Jesus Christ (well, the two subjects are closely related in Dallas, anyway...). Archaeologists found a 2000-year-old bowl engraved with a phrase that could be the first known reference to Jesus. Translated it sez, "World's Greatest Son".

The Rams haven't won a single game this season, and their coach was fired...plus, he still gets paid for the entire year per his contract. The Raiders have won a game this year, and their coach was fired...but, he's not going to get another dime of his contract. Yup, that sounds fair.

Of course, the reason the fired Raiders coach isn't getting paid is because he's a "flat-out liar". Asked to elaborate, Al Davis said,

I wanted to make it work, to be real honest. It’s my belief that I would work and it could work. I wanted to make it work.

When Davis asked why all the reporters were chuckling, unabashed laughter filled the room.

Shocking news of the week: Ricky Williams felt the urge to smoke some bud last week. On a related note, I looked at my fishbowl and wondered if my goldfish would feel the urge to swim today.

Only 13 games this week, and I'm siding with Peter King on 9 of them. In fact, on three of my picks the fans overwhelmingly picked the other team to win, so I suppose I'm predicting a multiple upset week...

Bengals over Browns: both winless, but the Bengals were far better last week, and they're playing at home
Titans over Vikings: the first three weeks were against really lousy teams...a mirage? Maybe. But they're defense is well balanced for both the run and the air, and their offense efficiently controls the clock
Broncos over Chiefs: fourth starting QB in four games...but they only have three QBs. Yup, back to Huard. Broncos got lucky the last two weeks cuz their defense isn't nearly as good as their offense, but still, this one should be over by half-time unless Larry Johnson has a 200-yard game
Saints over 49ers: another team where the offense is far superior to the defense, I just don't see the 49ers compensating for points
Jets over Cardinals: two geriatric QBs, one has a bum ankle...if that ankle doesn't improve by Sunday, I'll likely switch
Bucs over Packers: I picked the Bucs wrong all last year, I'm already picking the Pack wrong this year, somebody tell me home field isn't the deciding factor...
Panthers over Falcons: I think they're pissed about getting their star receiver back last week, and then losing. Not twice in a row, not at home, so...
Texans over Jaguars: upset pick of the week, I think it's just their week to win one...actually, I'm counting on Schaub to be pulled at half-time, and Sage getting the win in the second half
Chargers over Raiders: SD is going to have their act together for this one
Rams over Bills: like I lamented about Arizona last week, when was the last time the Bills started 4-0...or even won four in a row? On the other hand, the Rams are God-awful...to which I say, when was the last time they started 0-4, or lost four in a row? Going with history here, folks...
Cowboys over Redskins: I was one of the few who correctly picked the 'skins last week, but if you think they can beat the 'boys in Dallas, you're smoking crack
Eagles over Bears: Westbrook is hurting, McNabb hurting a little, but they have so many weapons and almost beat Dallas...and I still don't have faith in da Bears' QB situation, even when playing at home
Ravens over Steelers: is Baltimore's defense back? Looks like it. And if Big Ben could get sacked six times in one half last week, I'm betting the Ravens will do it, too

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals is asking (Ben and Jerry's) to begin using breast milk in its products instead of cow's milk, saying it would reduce the suffering of cows and calves and give ice cream lovers a healthier product.

Let's start with the first thing that comes to mind: YUCK.

And how am I supposed to feel about licking an ice cream cone made from the teets of a woman I've never met? Am I cheating on my wife if I imagine which woman my confection came from?

You'd think PETA would start with somebody less famous, like Tillamook, or even Safeway's "Select Premium", but no...they go for B&J's behemoth first.

Which brings us to quality control...how does B&J segregate the lactating crack addicts who are looking for a few bucks for their next fix? And what about those men who have sympathetic lactation excretions...will there be specific flavors for them, and will the tubs be labeled appropriately so that I know what to specifically avoid purchasing?

I've seen my wife hooked up to a milk-pumping machine, and she didn't have a situation where she could relax and chew her cud. Do cows really suffer? And since when could anybody milk a calf, anyway?